Do women love assholes? Scoundrels? Jerks? Bad boys? Players? Yes, they do. But not in the way you think they do. Here’s why and how they like them.
Women don’t love a man because he behaves like a complete dick. In fact, most women will walk a mile to avoid such a man. When women say they love bad boys, it’s a certain kind of bad boys they love. Sometimes they may accidentally fall for someone who turns out to be a real asshole, but that’s not the man you should aim to become. You actually just have to be yourself, but as with please and thank you, there are certain things you can say and do to improve your personality.
This example from Chase Amante’s blog perfectly sums up the difference between someone a woman playfully calls an asshole (and is attracted to) and someone she’d walk a mile to avoid.
“You’re an asshole,” when uttered by an attractive woman, can in fact mean several different things, depending on context and vocal inflection:
1″You’re an inconsiderate loser, whom I resent and despise”
2″You’re intriguingly challenging to control – my interest is piqued”
3″I can’t get you to do anything I want – and I am so turned on right now”
So what’s a “good” asshole? Let’s see…
An Example of the Asshole in Action
You’ve recently met a woman and you’re on a date at a restaurant. When the waiter arrives you immediately ask for water for the both of you, asking the woman what kind of water she prefers (still or sparkling). Once you’ve looked at the menu you declare confidently what you want. There’s no doubt in your voice, because you genuinely know what you want and you’re used to getting it.
If the waiter asks you about the specifics of your wine choices you either reply confidently about what you want, you confidently ask for a recommendation, or equally confidentially shrug your shoulders saying you don’t know anything about wine and don’t care so long as it tastes good.
When you talk to the woman you answer her questions with confidence; if you don’t know the answer to something you’re confident about not knowing, and if you’re undecided about something, you’re comfortable being undecided about that. You have no qualms about who you are. If you discuss a flaw of yours you’re just as confident, because you know everyone has them and you’ll get rid of yours if you can and want to. You don’t apologize, for being who you are, nor does it matter to you whether this woman likes you or not – it’s simple; if she likes you, you’ll date, if not you’ll date someone who’s a fit. (In other words and to put it quite bluntly: you don’t suck up to anyone.)
When you walk out of the restaurant you move with confidence. You put your hand at the small of her back to guide her. Your hand doesn’t linger, it pushes. It’s nothing sexual, no inappropriate grabbing, it’s just taking charge. You’re dominating the situation.
You may hold the door for the woman, but if you do, you don’t wonder if she’ll appreciate it or not. It’s who you are, it’s what you do, you aren’t going to change it for anyone. If you believe in chivalry, you do, if you don’t, you don’t. Her ideas about feminism, or lack thereof, doesn’t matter to you. You know who you are and intend to stay, whether she approves of it or not. You may, one day, if you come to care for her go out of your way to do something she’d like, but you will not change who you are for her sake.
As your relationship with this woman progresses, you text her when you have a break from whatever you’re busy doing, not every time you get a text. Your work, your friends, your work-out routine, your family, your spare time joys…they are all way more important than a person you just recently met.
For the very same reason, you don’t re-arrange your schedule for a date. You fit dates into your schedule, not the other way around. Maybe you’ll change a few things around further down the line when she’s proved she’s worth it, but till then, you aren’t going to lift a finger.
You’re very aware that the world is filled with women. If you don’t get what you want from the woman in front of you, you don’t care. Someone else will give it to you. You don’t need someone, you know you’ll get someone.
That’s a man some would call an asshole because while he may care about the feelings of others, may be the most generous person on the planet with his funds, or his spare time may be spent doing charity work, he doesn’t put someone else in front of his own needs. He is who he is and he’s fine with that. Till someone’s proven they’re worth it, he’s not going to give a damn.
Now, let’s have a look at the various attraction triggers in such a man…
He Doesn’t Fear Rejection and He Thrives on Going for What He Wants
A man who goes for what he wants unapologetically often gets it. Women love a man who says what he wants with confidence. He doesn’t get nervous when asking for a number – he either gets it or he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter to him. He knows he’ll get some woman’s number, so why bother about the ones that don’t give it to him?
Chances are he’ll go far in his professional life to because he’ll ask for what he wants and if he doesn’t get it, it doesn’t make him feel sad, or rejected, he just keeps going till he gets it.
He Dominates the Situation
This is a man who won’t ask a woman if she’s OK with the restaurant he picks for a date. He’ll say the time and place and that’s that. He isn’t looking for approval – he’s looking to get what he wants. And he has enough sense to figure out what a woman likes before he decides on a restaurant. In other words, when making choices he doesn’t ask for her approval, he just takes charge.
Women love decisive, dominant men. That’s not men who walk over women; they respect them (unless they’re real assholes). It’s just when they’re in charge, they’re in charge. No questions asked.
He Isn’t Looking for Approval – He’s Confident
When a man like this asks someone out, decides on the place for a date, buys a gift, or does anything else, he isn’t asking for approval. He might want to please the woman by finding or doing something she loves, but he doesn’t need her to approve of his choices. He likes himself whether she likes the gift he just got her or not.
Asking someone out is an opportunity to have fun with a person, not the opportunity to see if you can get someone to approve of you. If it’s a fit, it’s a fit. If not, then it’s not.
In other word, a guy like this is comfortable in himself and confident that he is alright, whether the woman in front of him approves of him, or not.
An Abundance of Female Attention
Whether this guy has ten women looking to date him or not doesn’t really matter, what matters is that by him not needing a woman’s approval, but rather taking his time to determine whether they’re a fit, or whether he wants her, or not, it signals he has choice. And as the story goes, having a lot of women wanting you is an attraction trigger for other women.
He Stands Firm
A man like this is OK in himself, so when someone attacks him with anger, puts him down, etc. he stands up to them when needed, or walks away with a straight back when there really is no needed to get involved.
While asshole qualities may be attractive, a man becomes a hell of a lot more attractive if he has these qualities, but is a genuinely good guy. In other words, he doesn’t just stand up for himself; he stands up for what’s right. Remember when George Clooney punched someone on set (I believe it was the director), because they were behaving like an ass to some of he minor actors? Mhm. Dominant, self-secure and doing the right thing… How many ladies swooned?
That’s not to say anger is attractive – most of the time it shows a really small person who is really scared of losing control. But a man who dominantly stands up for what’s right is attractive.
Women sometimes fall for jerks, because a lot of them have the above qualities and it leads to an involuntary attraction. This means that if a guy like that does one good thing, a woman will most likely make up a story he has a good heart. If he acts badly, he’s misunderstood. Because she wants her attraction to equal love. Both men and women have a tendency to confuse the two. A sex kitten in high heels and leather pants who suddenly acts damsel in distress will have most men doing anything for her. They’ll confuse her distress/need for heart while in fact she’s a manipulative bitch, whether she realizes it or not.
The truth is, attraction isn’t love. Love is based upon an emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection as much as it’s based on a physical and sexual one. It’s also about creating a loving relationship which is all about mutual respect and a decision to serve each other’s hearts and souls.
Attraction is powerful, so use it with integrity. If you just want sex, make that clear from day one. Remember, women like a challenge so make it more than clear. If you want more than sex, say something like: “Nobody knows how things will pan out when meeting someone they have a connection with. What I’m looking for is something long term, but you die you have fun, you find out.” Assert that you don’t need a relationship. You want one. There’s a difference.