Internet Cheating and Addiction

With the Internet, we have the World at our fingertips. The convenience, privacy, and comforts of home make it easier and safer to hop online and find an emotional relationship with just the click of a mouse. Advertisements for dating sites are everywhere, almost calling the weak...tempting them to try it out. It may start as curiosity or something to kill time, but can cause massive damage to a relationship if the other person finds out.

Many believe a physical relationship must occur before it is considered cheating, but emotional cheating can occur without a physical relationship. With internet dating sites, you can be as anonymous as you'd like. You can create a fake name and make yourself sound as wonderful as you want. Others can come and boost your ego by complimenting and flirting with you. There are also the internet sex sites that you can sign up for; to find someone for a one night stand. You create a profile and list your sexual desires, almost like a wish list for the depraved.

If you're single and looking, no harm done, but if you're married or in a long term relationship-this would be considered cheating. If your spouse or partner is looking for someone else to fulfill a sexual fantasy or to get extra attention from, there is a problem. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with an explanation for it all, as just about every man I've been with has been caught on a dating site or doing something weird on the internet. I am going to share with you my personal experiences and what I've learned from it.

I always give everyone 100% of my trust when entering a relationship. Although I am definitely not as naïve as I was ten years ago [when I first started dating] I don't go snooping around trying to find things. If my partner has done something to break my trust, then I start keeping an eye out...then I begin to look for the obvious. In my experience, when you have a suspicion; it's typically true. You can't go around accusing people of things, unless you have proof, so I find it. The first place I go is to dating sites, its simple enough to do a search. If you know things about the person you are with, chances are-you'll know what they are looking for. To narrow searches down, you can use an email address to search profiles on some sites. If that doesn't work, you could go the extra mile and check their email, but they will tell you it's an invasion of privacy. It is, but they invaded your trust and you never would have been checking if they didn't give you a reason to be suspicious. Besides, if they aren't doing anything behind your back-what's the issue?

I accidentally found out that my first boyfriend had cheated on me by going into his email. He was at work and I was waiting for him. He told me to go ahead and get online [on his account] and do whatever. This was back in the nineties when AOL was the big thing to use. I do not know what made me think to look in his inbox, as he had done nothing wrong; I trusted him. I am glad I looked, because there were so many messages from his prior girlfriend asking him why he wouldn't return her calls since they had sex. I confronted him and he denied it for two months, until finally he let it all out and confessed. I was young and stupid, so I forgave him and we ended up marrying. Things did not change, as I found numerous things online that lead to our divorce. I found pictures of him with another girl who was topless. I found him on dating sites and looking at porn. When I confronted him, he said "That's just what guys do."

After our divorce, I entered into relationships carefully. I gave the trust, but they always messed it up by abusing the internet. I found one of my boyfriends chatting with another girl from the United Kingdom, but thought nothing of it at first. She kept leaving him comments on myspace and obviously I could see them. I broke it off with him, because I figured if he was chatting with someone in a different country, then who knows who else he chatted with in our area. Come to find out, he ended up flying her to America to stay with him and telling his new girlfriend he would be out of town [while she was visiting.]
I caught another boyfriend taping his friends having sex and uploading it to a website he was making money off of. When I confronted him, he said "its good money, let me know if you're interested." I was disgusted and happy to be away from him. My current boyfriend now has been caught on several occasions signing up for dating sites. It didn't look as though he was using them actively, just signing up, as if out of boredom or by habit. I confronted him, but he hasn't said much about it. He denies it, but we both know the truth.
It is so hurtful to find your partner looking elsewhere for attention or sex. When I ask him if he's unhappy with me, he tells me not at all. It makes me feel unattractive and useless, like I need to change.

Truth is, it's not me that needs to change...it's not you [if you are in this situation] that needs to change-it's the other person. The other person, the one signing up for these sites, the one who is looking for attention in any place he or she can get it-they need to change. They are self-motivated and insecure, they are addicts. Like I said at the beginning of all this, it's the same as being addicted to alcohol or drugs. Addicts not only hurt themselves, but they hurt everyone around them.

What people need to realize about these dating and sex sites is; it makes the person they are in a relationship with feel worthless. If you love your spouse or partner, then stop making them feel like they need to change by you signing up to boost your self-esteem. Maybe counseling to find out what your problem is would be best. You have to first recognize that there is a problem first and I am telling you, it is a problem!