Many friends and family members who suffer due to a loved one's addiction try to help by providing them with financial help or a place to live. Often, they even make excuses for the loved one, which, in turn, aids their false belief that none of this is their fault. This is not Love. This is codependency. Codependency is just as deadly as addiction. Often codependents think that they are helping when they are really aiding in the addiction of their loved one. At times, they help their addicted loved one to the point of death. Letting go is the most difficult and the most loving action that family and friends can do for an addict or alcoholic.
The Physiology
Something that I have studied is the physical and emotional effect of withdrawal. One of the most accessible books for the average person is Addiction and Grace by Gerald G. May. The physiological problems that come from practicing addiction are very important for understanding the mind of an addict. There are cells in the brain called neurons that work together as little colonies in order for us to breathe, eat, and sleep. These neurons provide virtually every vital function for our bodies.
In order for these nerve cells to work together, they need to communicate. It is much like electricity travels through a current. Connections called synapses are on each cell in the brain. There are approximately 20,000 of these connections for the average cell and some even have up to 200,000 connections. Communication takes place when the axon of one cell releases a chemical called a neurotransmitter.
These neurotransmitters get confused when we change our physiology chemically. For example, when someone drinks or does drugs, certain neurotransmitters fire more or less rapidly in order to make up for the chemical change in our bodies. If we continue to change our physiology chemically, certain neurotransmitters get into a “habit” of firing or not firing in order to balance the imbalance that we have created. Therefore, when we practice chemical addiction, we change our physiological make up. It takes practice and time to correct an imbalance that we have created.
The New Line
I have discovered a number of things that have helped me in my battle with addiction. I make an extreme effort to avoid anywhere that may cause temptation. I have phone numbers with me at all times. This way, if I am tempted in any way, I have someone to call who has dealt with the same struggle. I have true friends who will hold me accountable if they observe any behavior that is leading to past practices that have no part in the Kingdom. I attend meetings. I constantly step back and ask myself what my motives are for whatever I am doing. I serve others. I practice the healthy habits that replace much of the time that I used to use searching for the next high.
So, what did change? Was it the way I started to live my life? Did God pull me out of where I was? I didn't see a bright light and suddenly, my life was changed. The Love of the Lord was visible and tangible for the first time in my life. It showed through my grandparents, my mother and through people at Celebrate Recovery (a Christ-centered 12 step program). It was real Love. It was a Love that doesn't put up with lies and deceit. It was Love that demanded honesty and would not stand for living in the past. It was sacrifice. It was telling me that I would have no place if I kept doing the things that I was doing. I would once again have no place to live and I would probably die. It was a Love that had the courage to say, “We can't stand by and watch you kill yourself, so if you want to continue on that path, you will have to do it alone.” It was the Love of the Lord. It was the Love that still has His arms out today. When I reached the end of the line, I found a new direction. I found a new purpose for my life. I can't answer everything for addicts or for those loved ones who suffer with them. I can, however, tell you all that I am here. I can tell you that Christ is here.
