The majority of successful recovering patients who I've treated, maintain their recovery by using a twelve-step meeting program in the same way that the Diabetic uses Insulin, or the Cancer patient, Chemotherapy. I believe that this is successful for those who are committed to remaining chemically-free, because it is a new way of life that replaces the "using" way of life. It's a lot like anything else, in that, if we remove something negative from our lives that took-up any of our time, it's crucial that we replace it with something positive that we can spend that time doing, instead! Because of the insidious nature of addiction whereby denial is one of the primary symptoms, your loved one may be unable to reach out for help on their own! Check the yellow pages for Chemical Dependency and/or Alcohol Treatment Programs, or punch this into your computer on-line. Many local hospitals also have an addiction treatment program. But do this! You may be saving someone's life! Remember, to be "straight" is to be free!
An example of an individual reaching out for help is the following e-mail I received. I requested the author's permission to print it just in case it can be of help to anyone else: I read your blog on addiction on your myspace. It has helped bring perspective about my partner's illness for me. The sad part is he is unwilling to give up alcohol and is slowly killing himself and does not seem to care about that. Anyway, thanks for that blog. There is so much more going on in my life with him but you don't have time for that nor do I have the money. I just wanted you to know I appreciated it. - Jones
My response: Dear Jones, The best thing that you can do right now, is to start going to Al-anon meetings on a weekly basis. Many, many alcoholics have (sooner or later) followed their spouse/partner into a twelve step program and found sobriety!! It is the best way that you can help him . . . . . . and, yourself. You may have to try out a few meetings before you find one that is right for you. An Al-anon meeting should not be a "bitch session" about the alcoholic. It should consist of members sharing their strength and their hope with each other (i.e. the different ways they use the 12 steps to accomplish this). Your partner is lucky to have you in his corner. So, take care of yourself and get some help, okay? When he sees you becoming happier and coping more easily with your shared dilemma, it is highly likely that he will end up wanting the same things (i.e. peace of mind and serenity) for himself! Hang in there, and let me know how it's going. ~
Believe it or not, it is really quite impossible for anyone to love and live with an addict/alcoholic without growing emotionally ill, too. Sound harsh? I know. But, if you're in this type of relationship, bear with me. I have some information for you that you just might find helpful. First, you'll need to keep an open mind. That can be especially tough for those individuals who have opened their minds already to every possible wish, hope and dream . . . only to have them all shattered by either alcohol or other drugs. Loving an alcoholic/addict isn't easy. Many who love or have loved an addict started out on that relationship journey believing that they could change the person ie. "If only I just love him enough I can make all the difference and then he won't need that awful drug anymore!") Not so. But then, I don't have to tell you that. You've more than likely already learned from painful experience.
If, on the other hand, you happen to be someone who is considering a relationship with someone who abuses alcohol and/or other drugs, perhaps you've had somebody close to you warn you not to move forward with the relationship. Or, perhaps your own inner voice has silently verbalized warnings to you and you aren't sure what you should do. If you're reading this blog, chances are that there's somebody in your life with whom you're involved who has a problem with one kind of drug or another. If you're not already over your head in a relationship with a person who abuses drugs (and alcohol is every bit as much a drug as any other) be forewarned: You will never be able to change anybody but yourself! If you believe otherwise, you've already begun slipping into the delusion that your addicted loved one lives with! There is only one thing that can stop an addict from abusing his or her chemical. I will tell you exactly what that is: "The pain of the consequences of their use must outweigh the effects of the high for them to want to stop!" Will they tell you they want to and/or are even going to stop? Absolutely!
