Barb, 31, a recently separated, single mom, works 75 hours a week or more as a junior lawyer at large firm. She works every weekend and turns down social invitations. Her daughter lives with her soon-to-be ex-husband and, although Barb is reliable with financial support, constantly cancels planned visitations, etc. Friends and family are seeing their once upbeat Barb slowly become regularly irritable and depressed. Is Barb building a career or avoiding rebuilding her life?
Cameron, 38, is a homosexual man who admits to an average of two sexual partners a day. It takes priority to his work in the family business, social invitations with friends get cancelled at the last minute regularly and his few short-lived relationships fail quickly because of his infidelity. What is missing from Cameron’s life to necessitate the constant validation he receives from his many sexual partners?
Adam, 33, is a general manager for an extremely large property management and insurance firm. At work, he is responsible for a team of 12 managers, their staff, sales targets and budgets. At home, he is extremely social, rarely declining an opportunity to get out with friends and family or entertain in his home – often to unbelievable extremes. However, when the pressure is on, you’ll find Adam frequenting the designer clothing shops or upscale home furnishing stores or luxury car dealers. During the past few years, Adam has spent over $250,000 on clothes, trips, furnishings and high-end automobiles. His debt load became so huge that, despite his very respectable salary, he got involved in some fraudulent mortgage activity to try to curb his debt and, instead, ending up spending the fraudulently obtained money as well. He faces termination of his career and jail time and an order to repay the fraudulent money.
These real-life case studies illustrate a growing problem: other addictions are emerging in a world more complex and stressful than ever. From food to shopping to internet to sex, more and more people are engaging in activities that, in moderation, are pleasurable, harmless and even life-sustaining, but when taken to extremes can cause personal, work and family problems as sever as any addiction to drugs or alcohol.
There is a good deal of controversy over labeling these behaviours as “addictions” in the true sense of the term. Only recently has “pathological gambling” been recognized as a legitimate concern by growing scientific evidence that gambling produced the same responses in the brain as cocaine. In addition, withdrawal and relapse in gambling follow the same patterns as drug and alcohol abuse.
For most people, engaging in these such activities never leads to the kind of problem that could be correctly labeled an addiction, yet for a small percentage, it does. How do you know when that desire to shop, work, have sex, exercise is a harmless indulgence or a sheer compulsion?
Shopaholics or compulsive spenders, for example, tend to appear similar demographically to people with eating disorders. Our real life case notwithstanding, fully 90% of the confirmed cases are female and they are more likely to have anxiety disorders and low self-esteem than so-called normal shoppers. They are also more impulsive than average and tend to be perfectionists. Shopping seems to boost self-esteem and offer an anxiety reduction, like comfort food to a binge eater.
If you question your own behaviour sometimes, ask your the following questions to help determine whether your behaviour is within your control or compulsive.
- Does this activity make you feel better when you are engaged in it?
- Are you more likely to engage in the activity when you are under stress or feeling anxious, sad, depressed or lonely?
- Is the time you spend on the activity on the rise, or do you need to do it more frequently for longer periods of time?
- Do you engage in the activity even when you know you should be doing something else or are neglecting work, friends or family in order to participate?
- Have to tried to cut back and either don’t or can’t?
- Are you finding yourself beginning to hide the activity from others?
Answering affirmatively to even one of these questions, might suggest it is time to review this activity to see if it is more harmful than helpful. Recognizing that there is a problem is an important first step. If your family and friends are expressing concern, or if you honest believe you are at risk, contact a trained professional to discuss your problems and get you on the best road for treatment.
