BEN
CARPENTER/SAILOR/boat designer and crafter
July 14, 1952
Portsmouth , New Hampshire
Until six years ago, everything was perfect. We had a 4000 sq. ft home on the water. I will never know for sure, but I think my then 11-year old son, fooling around, burned it down. He was in the closet of my bedroom with a candle.
The insurance company investigated my wife. Thoroughly. All she was missing was a trip to the gynecologist. I found out she was having an affair, sweet and loving, which I couldn't bitch about. After all, I had Tammy, my assistant for eight years. I was in love with both of them. I think if you are open to the universe as ridiculous as that might sound, the idea of monogamy is totally absurd. Think about it. Everything changes. When I found about my wife Caroline's relationship, I was not a hypocrite. I told her right away. SHE SAID, “I KNOW!”
For five of seven years, she knew. Then why didn't she say anything? She is my business partner, she knows her way around schooners and she liked the rest of our lives. Sharing her, I got jealous and broke up with Tammy. She promptly took off.
Then her parents died in a freak boating accident. And mine died of old age. I am 16 years older than Caroline. She looks like Ava Gardner. Tammy looked like a slut, she lived in a trailer park.
Then, my other partner, my friend since high school, Artie, embezzled $600,000.
Rebuilding our barn, which I loved came out like shit and cost us a fortune, way more than the insurance covered. Caroline had a horrible bike accident that was very much like Stephen King's.
The settlement was good but we are still dead-broke. We lived the high life in a very small New England town. I have nothing else I can do with my life. I MISS BUILDING BOATS MORE THAN ANYTHING. That business is tanked. Theo has to leave for college. He is brilliant but cold. My wife is warm and optimistic. I consider suicide but I liquidated our life insurance policy. We are about 300,000 dollars in debt. We never have sex. I see condoms in her drawer when I do the laundry and slip the clothes in there. She also has a ton of sex toys.
I am one big walking, talking INADEQUACY.
