I once swore I would never have sex with anyone who was old, wrinkled, fat…etc. That was about thirty years ago and now, at the ripe old of 50, I glorify in old people sex. It's because I got old, wrinkled, fat and much more…
SEX BELONGS TO EVERY AGE OF ADULTHOOD
Married or not, sex is important at every age of your life once you reach adulthood. I realize this as I write my article, because my husband and I only got four hours of asleep last night and I feel rested and relaxed. We don't read any special books about the sex act, or go to seminars that require he look at my vagina through kaleidoscope…We just spend a lot of time curled up in bed playing around with each other. Sometimes it leads to full lock and load sex that rocks the house and the soul. Other times, we just drift off asleep, sure that these two creaky and worn bodies are just happy to hang out together for the night.
It is the secret of intimacy that makes sex work when you get older. At our ages, we have though the embarrassing moments, because, if it could go wrong, it has in the past 30 years. The past has seen gross sounds, funny smells, missed attempts, crossed signals and how can we forget that grand moment when my mother rushed into my kitchen with a surprise batch of home baked rolls. Now, there was an International Coffee House moment if one ever existed!
THERE IS NO REASON TO STOP HAVING SEX
I often hear from female friends and family members of how tired they feel at the end of the day, or just uninterested in sex in general. Some tell me they just don't feel attractive any more, or that the old days of sweating and passion seem to be slipping away like their birthdays. Erectile dysfunction and disinterest are often topics of conversation among the males who are brave enough to talk to me. All valid points…but then, points are cold abstracts and humans are real, concrete beings with warm bodies and emotions.
Sex as you get older is about touching and feeling…there is a great comfort in being stroked and rubbed, even when it leads to no more than a smile and giggle. The chance to talk to one another and be free to speak out loud the ideas of what makes the moment so perfect are irreplaceable. Even when you are tired, having someone hug and kiss you can make you feel rested and loved. Tell that person how good it is to have them so close, and how those kisses make you feel inside. Disinterest in your partner can fall away when they are whispering in your ear that you are beautiful…that you smell sexy and they want you. It's hard not to like someone who thinks you are pretty and desirable.
Often, as men age, gain weight and slow down, an erection becomes more difficult. There are of course pills, devices…even medical procedures to help. Still, even without these, he wants to feel your body close, he wants to held and touched….He is a man, no matter what his physical abilities. He wants to be held desirable at any performance level. You can love each other physically any way you want, agreeing on what you want the outcome to be. Maybe it is as simply as just lying next to each other and holding hands, the comfort of a human body warm and sweet beside you. There are no rules about the end results…unless you set them.
GETTING OUTSIDE HELP
|Do not be afraid to speak to your medical caregiver. Your medical team has seen you naked, tested your urine and poked around in places you didn't even know you had. They understand you are an adult and sex is important to your well-being. You will not be the first to talk to them about this subject and certainly not the last.
If you have stopped having sex because of pain, or a medical condition, be sure it is safe for you to engage in intercourse. Talk to your doctor…and keep in mind that every sexual moment does not have to involve full penetration for two people to experience fulfillment in the bedroom…or the kitchen…or on a camping trip…ok, you get the idea!
If the problems are more mental than physical, discussing the problems with a therapist are well within your rights. Sometimes, leftover inhibitions from our youth are just old habits blocking us from physical passion. If you can't talk to your partner, talk to a professional. Even better, take him or her with you! Your medical practitioner can recommend just such a specialist or you can find one on line or in the phone book. A legitimate sex therapist will be more than happy to show you credentials, and can give you references.
There are many books on the subject as well, and as close as your favorite bookstore or library. Reading them aloud with your partner may open doors you had both thought closed. Not only will you have the chance to discuss out loud any problems you are both having, you have the opportunity to encourage one other by being understanding. When you can verbalize your fears to another person, you are taking huge steps in the process of intimacy. Trust is one of the most, if not the most, important tools of good sex.
THE BENEFITS
Sex, as we get older, is not about proving how athletic we are in bed, or procreating that much wanted child…Sex is a reminder that we are people and have our needs and wants. Meet those needs and wants with open minds and hearts…No matter what our age, we need to know that we are women with dreams and men who have veral hearts. I may be old, fat and 50…but when I am in my husband's arms, I am a pretty little thing, delicate and lovely in his eyes. Knowing that he wants me makes me feel desirable and that makes me desirable. When I pull him close to me, he knows he is strong and masculine…he doesn't feel the years that have passed, but that he is needed and wanted as a man. Our ability to do this makes us stronger every day and keeps the passion strong between us.
ENCOURAGEMENT
There are no promises that you will succeed at anything in life. In your sexual life, you will make mistakes, but because your basic reason for trying is based in love and mutual commitment to one another's pleasure, you won't fail. By it's very nature, sex is a good and beautiful thing, to be enjoyed for as long as you have breath in your body and your health allows it.
Let yourself be loved, and give it in return. You will smile more, feel stronger and younger…and your self-esteem will soar. Just relax…and be human…
