I've heard my friends tell each other - "If you don't like Abby's mood wait five minutes, it'll change"
I would be offended if I didn't know for a fact that they are right. It's difficult to make any plans.
I can be so excited about an upcoming trip, concert, or just lunch with a friend and, then
the day of the event arrives and I'm in tears and incapable of being around anyone without
having a mini-breakdown.
I've used so many excuses for canceling plans, some of my favorites
are, "I have a headache", "my car won't start", "someone called off work and now I have to go in and
cover for them" there are many many more. The trick is to make sure I don't overuse any one excuse
with any one person, it can get tricky.
The "downs" or depressive mood swings have been so extreme at times that it has cost me jobs.
Moments before scheduled work shifts I've been known to burst into hysterics so uncontrollable that
I've felt their was no other way to deal with it besides calling off work-this is not an endearing trait to
employers.
The "ups" or manic mood swing have brought about physical injury numerous times. The biggest
problem that I have when manic is that I take on too much. I see myself as able to work three or four
jobs, keep an immaculately clean home, join various volunteer organizations etc... I become invincible
in my own mind. Everything that I take on then begins to pile up on me and I'm faced to admit that I can't
do a hundred things at once and still do them all well. And, thats usually when I crack. I become so
frustrated with my shortcomings that I'm compelled to "punish" myself somehow. And, so begins the
downward spiral back into depression.
I believe that my awareness of my manic/depressive cycles can help me to eventually break those
cycles. But, for now, at the insistence of those who care about me I am relying on medication to
temper the mood swings. But, the best medicine for me has been learning that I'm not alone in what
I'm feeling, and, if your reading this and thinking about how familiar my experiences seem - Neither are you.
