Somehow I have never really gotten the hang of New Years Eve. What exactly am I celebrating? Certainly not the television programming. I just think that another year would be easier to look forward to if it didn’t start with January.
So this year I skipped the hangover and went right for the new years resolutions. I poured a cup of hot tea, and got out my notebook. “Let’s see, what were my goals last year?” I wondered out loud.
Then I remembered-- something about managing my diabetes better. Keeping regular blood-sugar readings was in there somewhere, exercising, and eating fresh fruits and vegetables. The usual.
I shuddered at the memory. My decision to eat more fruit went great. Hey what’s not to like? Its sweet! But vegetables had proven to be my nemesis. Just about every disease there is including diabetes can be improved by eating fresh vegetables. I knew this. I studied it. I chanted it like a mantra. I even bought a few to put in my refrigerator. But then came the part where I had to eat them without butter or cheese.
“Why can’t vegetables be sexier?” I muttered. I tried to remember why I hadn’t stayed on top of my blood-sugar readings. This was more troubling. I couldn’t think of a concrete reason. And at my diabetes check-ups the three-month averages were not where they should have been.
I took a drink of tea; it was tepid. “I didn’t take care of my diabetes,” I admitted. How depressing. I was very tempted to pour some brandy in my tea, but since I was in the middle of chewing myself out for being a slacker, it seemed counterproductive.
Why? Why would I neglect my health? I mean sure--eating, drinking, and smoking poison are American traditions--but what was my damage that I would willingly participate in this insanity?
I sat staring into my now empty teacup. Then it occurred to me, this was about death. I was a 39 yr old diabetic and mortality was a reality I didn’t want to face. Every time I tested my blood I was acknowledging the disease that will most likely kill me. But when I didn’t test, I was giving my diabetes the advantage. The choices I made in my diet were the same thing.
The good news was that exercise never really suffered because it releases endorphins. I love my daily workout and the energy buzz I get from it. Too bad there are no endorphins in carrots or blood sugar testing.
This year’s resolution is to make peace with my mortality; to face my disease instead of being a coward. Sure. No problem. Why didn’t I just go out, get drunk, and kiss a few strangers like a normal person on New Year’s Eve?
