That night was the turning point for me. I had fallen as low as I was willing to fall in this lifetime. With my daughters not speaking to me, it was a fate worse than any death I could imagine. We had always been so close. Determination set in and I began taking the necessary measures to rebuild my life, one baby step at a time. With the help of a good doctor experienced in dealing with bipolar patients, and an excellent therapist, I slowly began creating a new attitude, and eventually, a new life.
I learned as much as I could about my illness. Bipolar disorder is complex and often hard to diagnose. It results when differences occur in the brain between in the chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) and the nerve cells. Many factors can contribute to, or trigger manic/depressive episodes, including stress or traumatic, psychological events, as well as drugs and alcohol.
Bipolar disorder is a treatable illness; it is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. While bipolar is not an illness you can treat yourself, education is perhaps one of the best steps you can take to help yourself. No one person or thing can make you better when you have bipolar disorder. It takes a combination of a good doctor, the right medicine for your chemical makeup and a good therapist or counselor. But, most of all, it takes a strong commitment to yourself.
While support groups are helpful to some people; others may need a one-on-one with a therapist they can trust. These professionals can you guide you in the right direction toward recovery; but they can't do the work for you. You have to do that for yourself. Yet you can meet your illness, and subsequent recovery process, head on and conquer it. You can rise above it. Although it is often slow and painful, you can learn to recognize your triggers B the things that might set you off at any given moment, under any set of circumstances B and then use coping skills to get through it without having a chart-topping episode of mania or depression.
Up until this time, I thought I wanted my old life back, when, in reality, my old life, with its stresses and pressures and other circumstances, got me to where I did not want to be. It caused me B and so many loved ones B so much pain. I would like to say I picked myself up by the bootstraps and simply walked away from my old life into this wonderful one I have today. But that would be a lie.
No one who has been diagnosed with this type of illness can easily walk away from their old life. Portions of it follow. Painful portions. Portions that have to be dealt with on an individual basis. You have to learn to acknowledge that part of your old life; to understand it; learn to deal with it, however painful it might be. You have to learn to rise above it, and then, perhaps the hardest of all, you have to learn to let it go. This is a day-to-day, sometimes hour by-hour challenge, not unlike what alcoholics and drug addicts go through on their painful road to recovery. One day at a time...
I have been episode-free for more than two years now. Guilt no longer plagues me like it once did. A workable medication management regime has allowed me to return to work at a great job, and therapy has helped me to embrace life again.
There are three things I would recommend for anyone diagnosed with bipolar:
Persevere
Continue looking for a doctor or therapist until you find one you are comfortable with. Be willing to try various medications until you find a combination that works for you, since people are unique in the way their bodies process and react to medication.Learn
Educate yourself on bipolar disorder by reading all the information you can find in books, magazines, and on the internet. Talk with, and listen to, others who have succeeded in controlling their illness; and last but not least:Accept
Accept yourself for the unique person you are. Focus on your strengths, not on your mistakes. Affirm your love for yourself every day, and demonstrate that love by refusing to slide into thoughts of self-criticism, guilt, or pessimism. Practice focusing on what you appreciate about your every-day experiences, and reawaken your ability to envision a happy and healthy future.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank my Higher Power for helping me have the right people to teach me how to overcome the hurdles of everyday Life.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank my sister for being there for me when no one else felt they had anymore to give.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell my daughters I love them.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hug my mother and tell her how much I love and appreciate her.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't compliment myself on what a good job I'm doing and reflect on how far I have come.
And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell myself how much I love me . . .
