Sleep apnea doesn't just have an effect on the person suffering; it also has a strong effect on the people around them. The following are a few suggestions if you are the person living with a person with sleep apnea.
Sleep Apnea
Most of the people dealing with sleep apnea don't know they have it and if they do know many of them won't use the various methods for reducing their risk from sleep apnea such as a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) mask or losing weight. This can have devastating effects on their lives and the lives of the people around them.
Sleep apnea can cause or exacerbate several life threatening conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure. It can severely alter a person's personality and lead to depression, poor digestion and deep personality changes. In addition to these personal changes, sleep apnea also affects the people around the sufferer in a negative way.
The Victim
In most cases the main victim of a sleep apnea sufferer that won't get help is the spouse or other bed mate. This person has a dual problem right from the start in that they are both a co-sufferer and also the primary diagnostic tool for the person with sleep apnea. In my case, my wife told me for years that my snoring (a primary symptom of obstructive sleep apnea) kept her awake. Also, she was awakened many times by my lying in bed struggling to breathe and tossing and turning. Of course, I didn't believe her or didn't want to hear it so I basically ignored her. Eventually, I got help, but many don't. What can the victim of the stubborn sleep apnea sufferer do?
Tools to Help
If your bedmate suffering with sleep apnea won't listen to you, you have to take action for their sake and yours. There are things you can do to help them and yourself. If they still won't listen, at the very least, some of these will help you get a better night's sleep.
Record It!
One of the primary symptoms of sleep apnea is loud, grinding snoring. Many sleep apnea sufferers will not admit that their snoring can be heard outside the bedroom, much less outside of the house. So, one thing you can do is to record it. It's better if you convince the sufferer to agree to the recording, but if not, go ahead and record it anyway. That way at least you'll give them some idea of what you deal with on a nightly basis.
It's best, as I said, to let the sufferer see you place the recording device in the next room and set up the device so that they know you aren't fooling them. They're already in denial, so it's best to have them agree to the procedure. Many times this will show them (after several attempts) that they can't continue to treat the people around them in this way.
Video It!
Video is even better, because you'll get both audio and the picture. Set it up and let the sufferer know you set it up. Don't trick them as this can lead to further problems, but be sure to set it up so that you can get the best results. This is especially effective after your loved one with sleep apnea has had a few drinks. Drinking exacerbates sleep apnea and even in a person not suffering, makes falling asleep more difficult.
Then review it together. After watching several hours worth of loud, grinding snoring, followed by silence and thrashing about while struggling to breathe, then more loud snoring, they should get the picture and seek help.
Couch
My wife eventually told me that I had to sleep on the couch so that she could get some sleep. It hurt my feelings, but after some time I came to realize that if I wanted to share my wife's bed again, I would have to get some help. It was a painful way to realize that I had a problem, but it worked.
Ear Plugs
If you can't or don't wish to have your loved one sleep on the couch, purchase some ear plugs and let them see you put them in. This can have a dramatic effect, especially when coupled with recording. Watching the one you care about have to place ear plugs in their ears just to be able to share a bed with you has a serious effect on most people.
Conclusion
These are a few of the many ways to try and get the sufferer of sleep apnea to realize that they are causing distress to someone they care about. Ultimately, the point is to get the sleep apnea sufferer to get help for their condition which will lead to a longer, more productive life for them and a good night's sleep (finally!) for you.
