Everyday your child watches you. She watches what shows you watch on TV, how you eat your food, and yes, even those habits you don't want them too. They know when you feel good and when you are upset. Your child will also see and experience the symptoms of bipolar disorder as well. Although we don't have a choice in our child having to go through the experience, we can help them to understand as well as prevent the traumatic situations that can possibility happen. As I have stated in Fueling the Right Childhood Feelings about Bipolar Disorder, knowledge is the best tool we have. We need the tools in order to give our child the knowledge to use as their own tool.
These tools begin with who should tell them, when to tell them, and discussing the language that should be used.
Discussing mental illness with your children isn't any different then discussing any other illness. Unfortunately mental illness, like many other illnesses, is complicated and hard to explain even to adults as you might have learned already. There are two options on who to tell your children. You can do it or you can have a trusted relative, friend, or doctor tell your children. I believe it is important for this conversation to come directly from you, even if you have someone with you to help you. I encourage tell them yourself because your child will be concerned about you personally. This opens the door to reassuring them they are safe, loved, and you are going to be okay. It also opens the door for any questions and concerns they might have. Ultimately, the choice belongs to you.
When planning on the best time to tell you children, you should tell them when you are well and not sick. Telling them when you are well helps them to understand when you are sick and gives everyone the chance to prepare for when you are sick. Preparing for when you are sick can be accomplished by developing a plan with your children, which will also reassure them everything will be okay. This plan can include information of who to call if you were to suddenly go to the hospital and friends and relatives they can stay with. A list of their favorite toys, blankets, and clothes can also be included. A premade plan to help you create one of your own is included in the free supporting our family kit at Comic Foundation (Children of Mentally Ill Consumers). I encourage families to use these plans to focus on your children, not on you, to prevent the common feeling of the child feeling like the caregiver.
Lastly, you want to be sure to explain mental illness with the appropriate language. Mental illness is described by people in a variety of different way. You want to use the correct terms and descriptions associated with bipolar disorder so your children will learn them as well. As much as we wish it isn't possible, your child might be exposed to discriminating descriptions of mental illness such as "crazy, psycho, or nuts." Be sure to explain to your child these terms are hurtful terms used to call a person a bad name and should not be used. Providing the appropriate and inappropriate terms for mental illness will teach your child there are non-hurtful ways to discuss mental illness.
Bipolar disorder affects the whole family, including your children, and knowing the tools to help your children through this confusing disorder is a huge benefit. These tools begin with knowing who will be telling your child about bipolar disorder and when the best time to tell them. These are the first steps to your child understanding, but remember bipolar disorder can't be learned about in one setting. As your child grows, there will be more questions and more areas to expand their understanding. Getting off on the right foot will help you and your child succeed.
