Where do I start? How could I possibly explain what ‘these” are to me. It’s 5.30am and I have been awake since last night when I awoke busting to go to the toilet and in pain that voiding doesn’t take away so my day began at 10.30pm with ‘them’. I’m tired so my typing is probably not going to make any sense. But some how I have to try to explain to people, the doctors, what it’s like. I have ‘them’ in front of me for inspiration. They are not there to remind me that I have to take them as the pain does that and the symptoms of my illness do that as well.
To look at ‘them’ they are white, small round tablets. They help so much to take some of the pain away. Not all of it. There is still some or even sometimes a lot of pain left to remind me that I am still alive.
‘They’ and the pain is a daily struggle for me. Not once in a while cross your mind struggle but all day every day struggle.
What is the struggle you ask?
Especially if they help with the pain. Well, there it is, your answer hidden among my words. I rely on them to take away some of the pain just to get through the day. I rely on them! I get scared every day, is this the day they take ‘them’ away from me and leave me in agony. You see I couldn’t handle that as the pain without ‘them’ is to much to bare you see. You see ‘them’ as Endone, a pain killer. I see them, well I don’t know how I see the Endone in words only to say they help me exist through my terrible, painful illness called Atonic Bladder. Who could take them away is obvious but not important to you anyway, but they hold my pain, my life in their hands. We all have our crosses to bare and that, well that is only but one of them. A very big one.
