Watching a loved one suffer the effects of the disease Alzheimer's hurts, it hurts you to watch them struggle with day to day living, it hurts you to watch an intelligent person become a ditherer and it hurts knowing they can do nothing about it.
Frustration is on both sides, the sufferer of this devastating disease and the carer and this can create extra problems. Patience is demanded of the carer, one hundred percent, and twenty four hours a day, giving your all only to be sworn at, shouted at and in some cases hit out at, hurts. Loving someone, reaching an anniversary or a milestone and it means nothing to the sufferer, hurts. Being asked who you are, hurts.
Not all of us are born carers and just the thought of having to suddenly become a full time nurse can be very frightening. What do you do?
Some people walk away, not because they don't care but because they don't know how to cope, others take on the role of carer as if it is the easiest thing they have ever done and others struggle on regardless, the latter look as if they are coping but inside they are on auto pilot, going through the daily motions with no thought for themselves and never asking for outside assistance, this can be disastrous to their health and to the person they are caring for as they don't get the quality of care they are entitled to, they are over powered by love.
If you find you are in this position, stop, take a deep breath and know there is no shame in asking for support, be it financial to fund assistance around the home or maybe asking for someone to sit with the one you are caring for while you have a little time to yourself, if you become so frustrated you just want to scream or hit out, don't feel guilty, this is a warning sign, this is you showing the world you hurt. Hurt isn't always a physical pain, talk to others, off load your feelings.
Do not close your doors and hideaway, there is no shame in having a partner with the disease, sometimes the sufferer will not allow "strangers" in the home but try and involve them in a social gathering in the home don't push them out of sight.
There are large societies that have smaller outlets in towns and villages, find yours and you will be amazed who you will find there, the doctor you thought had moved to another area, may be there with his wife but he is the sufferer, the greengrocers wife, that lovely chatty lady you haven't seen for a while, might be at the club as a carer, a long lost friend might also be a carer, you might make friends with another carer and can spend time together and help each other, you might not like the group at all and feel it isn't for you but you won't know until you try.
There will be a time you find you can no longer manage as a carer, don't blame yourself, you have done the best you can and it is now the time to let others carry your load, use this time to keep healthy and have a social life, if your loved one is in a care home get involved with the support group, use your valuable care skills to help others but remember not to over do it. You are just as important as the person suffering from Alzheimer's.
