Anger is an emotion that all human beings experience. When our anger defines clear boundaries, it can be constructive. But the moment our strong emotions get out of hand and become abusive, anger has become destructive.
Anger management
These days we hear and read a lot about anger management, often in relation to abusive family situations where courts demand the person to undergo treatment in specialized centers.
It can also happen that an employers gives a quarrelsome employee the option: either do something about your behavioral problem, or you're fired.
Am I an angry person?
It's one thing that others have an anger problem, of which they are sometimes not even aware of.
How about us? What do we do when we're becoming angry?
We will never be able to circumvent moments of anger, but we can learn how to “defuse” the dangers as much as possible.
It's important to realize that we harm ourselves, and others, if we're on the way of becoming (or are) an angry person.
Questions to ask ourselves
- What triggers my anger? Why? How often? When we analyze the “problem” we can choose how to respond. Of course we are only able to do so when we're not in a “bad” mood.
- Do I have unrealistic expectations? Sometimes we expect other people to behave according to our “high” standards, and if they don't measure up, we're annoyed and angry
- Are there unhelpful thoughts that run amok? Don't go down the slippery slope of suspicious thoughts that people do things on purpose, just to annoy you. Try to think the best of others, and don't judge them before you know their story.
- Do I keep grudges? Cuddled and nursed, negative memories have a way of exploding after someone made a seemingly innocent remark, leaving the person (and bystanders) bewildered by your furious response. Try to forgive them - for your sake. It's better for your health.
Self help - “Easy” solutions
- If you're short-fused because you're too tired, go to bed earlier, or take a nap. Try to balance your work load, and don't push yourself over your limits. Once in a while you can do it, but not on a regular basis. Too much stress often releases itself through anger.
- People on a diet are usually bad-tempered. Starving your body also affects your mood. Don't take out your frustrations on others - you're the one that chooses to diet, not them.
- Whenever it's possible, take a “time-out” when faced with a potential explosive situation. Step back and try to think rationally about the situation, without reacting harsh and impulsive. This will take a lot of practice.
- Sit down and take deep breaths, while you try to distance yourself emotionally. That's easier when you're not face to face with someone, like on the phone.
- Use an anger “diffuse” technique, like: smashing glass bottles in a recycle tank, tearing up newspaper, punching pillows, scream, cry, run, clean a room, or write a letter without sending it. The latter is very important, for when you do send it, you'll regret it later, and will have to deal with the damage to others you've done.
- Don't blame others for your anger; it will only make you angrier. Forgive them for your own sake. Stop seeing yourself as the “victim”. Take responsibility for your actions, and don't hide behind the excuse that your difficult past made you this way.
- Try not to get upset by little things - it will keep you in a bad mood all day. Try to shake it off when someone cuts you off in traffic; complaining about those “stupid” work policies won't help your mood; look for something positive to think about when you're stuck behind a slow customer or clerk at the checkout counter.
- Find the humor in the situation. Channel your negative energy into something positive. Believe me - it's contagious! We need more laughs; life is serious enough as it is.
Laughter is like premium gasoline: it helps take the knock out of living!
