This is a true story based on my own life experiences and the point of it is to hopefully get others to understand what we go through everyday and just to understand a little would be nice.
Trapped looking through the glass wall he watchers the world silent and confusing miss understood ever alert. "he never talks just a silly grin on his face” he hears them say if only I could tell them then they'd understand but as always silence. Longing for friendship, companionship the pain eats away little by little every day they talk as if I wasn't even there .for years I was able to discuses it but to those close they new something but what? Its like I've known them for years and yet I'm still a stranger.
"Come over for tea's simple request you might say but to me a complete nightmare that means id have to communicate what ever that means .on the outside complete control showing no emotion inside heart would be racing an uncontrollable eruption of emotions needing to escape to get away so as not to show this weakness. I decline making some lame excuse. Even though I desperately want to be able to go. Longing to be like everyone else before to long the offers stop coming and I retreat back into a world of silence.
The worst thing is I'm a single parent and the kids ask can we go to soccer, rugby or can you come to our school play its with a heavy heart I have to say no . I've never been able to explain it to them. Just to be able to go to school to support them would be primo. As I can think of nothing better and it would mean the world to my boys. I'm going to beat this one. I will find a way some how ill make it happen.
A small town where I no most of the people. Thought it be the way to go could make it happen do the school thing, communicate instead just stuck out like dogs balls and became the center of the gossip and rumors .Some people like to put others down to make them feel important. This is a part of the weakness I do like. As it weeds out those sort of people pretty quickly. The fakes as I like to call them and no to stay away from them. It also lets the kind hearted ones shine they don't no what's wrong with me but they accept me as I am and show me and the boys kindness which is awesome.
There's also a violent side to the weakness. That when it appears its like the rage of a 1000 men all rolled up into one. Demons unleashed a tornado of rage that destroys everything and anything in its path, smashing bashing. Found myself looking through bars many a time as a result. Until I started to learn and understand the weakness nothing the triggers. Its taken many years of trial and error to get to this point. keeping the mind mellow and peaceful is a must and trying to keep it from getting guttered.
All what I've read about it say there's no cure. Only a endless daily supply of pills is my fate. Well forget that I say I intend to beat this thing. Without any pills I may not be able to cure it. But there's always a way around things. It's just a matter of finding the way. As there's no way I'm going to be taking pills for the rest of my life.
Well thanks for taking the time to read this .I shell sing off now. Continuing this journey taking each day as it comes, trying to learn and find ways to beat this weakness. Just a note to those similar to my self we can beat this. Yes well have our ups and downs. But one step at a time we can live a pretty good life. Just a bit different to others. Ok, remember to stay focused and good luck.
