I've been normal now for several days. When I'm not normal, normal is all I want. But now that I'm normal, I'm wondering if I like it or not.
It seems that normal isn't as interesting as not normal. When normal, I can get regular chores and errands done. I sleep regular hours. My thoughts are unhurried and clear. I should be happy that I'm normal.
It's not that I'm unhappy that I'm normal, it simply isn't what I had hoped for. Of course, I'm not sure what I had hoped for at this point. All I know is that normal is so disappointing.
When I'm manic or depressed, the creativity is quite different. Even though my manic thoughts are beyond scattered, they are many and quite compelling. My depressive moods are so painful, yet the expression of such pain is delightfully elaborate.
I have no doubt that I go through this adjustment each time I return to normal. I don't remember it, much the way I don't remember some manic moments or depressed days.
Do I want to be not normal? No, not so much. I just want the creativity and excitement that lives between my ears when I'm not normal to remain.
