About a year ago, I was robbed. Someone came into my house and up to my bedroom and took something in the middle of the night. It was a very important something and it took me a long time to realize that it was gone. Just gone.
They came in while I was sleeping and took my brain. I can't find any entry wounds but I know it's gone because I woke up and found a Ziploc baggy of chocolate pudding on my pillow. That's all I have now to use as a brain (chocolate pudding works better than nothing at least). Because I don't know how they got my real brain out, I don't know how to get the pudding in so I carry it around in my purse and reach in and squeeze the baggy when I really need to focus and concentrate on something. It doesn't really work, but I think it gives off the illusion that I am not stupid - I am just brain-robbed.
This is what happens, they tell you, when you get pregnant - all those Hormones come in and steal your brain. I don't know how they do it or if it's fair or even legal. I hope that the Hormones will give it back someday, or at least return with a baggy of noodles (I think noodles would work better).
RECENT UPDATE: Sadly, while Hormones had my brain, they obviously deprived it of oxygen, intelligent conversation and sushi, meaning that it was in pretty bad shape when our final court hearing was concluded. I have been in legal conferences with Hormones, and we have come to an agreement on split custody of my brain, or the few brain cells that are still properly functioning.
It has been an uphill battle the entire process, but we have come to the agreement that Hormones can take not only my remaining brain cells, but my body as well, during pregnancy, post-partum and nursing. Any other time, it is all mine. There is a clause in there about menopause, but I am just trying to stay focused on the next few years and trying to repair the damage they have already done.
And you won't believe how my brain is being returned to me. I thought that maybe we would win at least that argument, and that my brain would be reinserted in the same mysterious manner that it was removed. Not so. While I have had to already return my baggy of pudding, and I am prohibited from using any form of carbs as a replacement - I have to have random carb tests which are embarrassing and frustrating.
No, my Hormones have the total upper hand in this whole mess and if you ask me, they are getting the better end of the deal. They are permitted, throughout the period that I am nursing a child, to gradually restore my brain cells in any venue they so desire. I have received a few through church nursery schedules, a couple from a dollar store planner, and my mother seems to be my main continuing support system for re-installation of damaged brain cells.
My husband has been supportive, but distant through this entire ordeal. I think it is hard for him to cope with the fact that his wife's sanity has been jeopardized in such a way, and how Hormones could do such hurtful and destructive things to a person who only wants the best for everyone.
