It's honest, straightforward, well rounded in a round about way. It's the start of things to come.
I want to start by saying that I suffer from depression I have for as long as I can remember and my understanding through intensive self analysis is that its part chemical imbalance part experience. I don't know much about the chemical imbalance side of things as I am not interested in the scientific aspect; I am a human being not a science project. What I do know about it is how it manifests itself in my daily life it causes messages to get mixed up I misunderstand what people say a lot. When I converse with people and being a fairly opinionated person things often come out of my mouth either mixed up or very point blank this is usually due to my over thinking. Things come out backwards when I have thought too much about them and provide my listener with too much information therefore I don't make much sense to anyone but myself as they have not been privy to the whole thought process. This usually causes me anxiety so I end up saying more things that make it more confusing and at this point people have usually stopped listening.
So on top of my anxiety I then get frustrated not just because no one is listening but because I can't seem to say things right. When I say things point blank this is due to the fact that I can't find a clear thought so I grab onto the most simple one happy that I have been able to find it but when it comes out of my mouth it often comes out rather rude and usually hits quite hard on the receiver again causing people to turn away from me.
Lately I have been trying to develop techniques to rectify this but in the meantime I have learnt to listen to people when they tell me I have upset them rather than taking offence or getting mad at them for taking my words the wrong way. If I want people to listen to me and be open to a clearer explanation then I have to be open to them and listen to how they received my words/opinions. The next step was then to allow myself some breathing time so I can say it clearly to begin with and not put too much pressure on myself to do so. Relax, breathe, be free ground myself; don't be so aggressive or forceful in my opinions remain open to others, no-one wants to listen to an over opinionated know it all which is how I come across. I know this because I see it in other people and I don't like it we dislike in others what we don't like in ourselves. Also I have been fortunate enough to have had people tell me how I come across. It's hard to hear when people point out your not so pleasant qualities and then to take it on board and do something about it, my
way of doing this was to chose whose opinion of me was worth listening to and who would listen to me if I pointed out their less finer qualities. I was lucky enough to have a guy I worked with who I have a lot of respect for and who is also a little sensitive like myself at times and was never afraid to tell me if I upset him and would listen to me in return. He in fact is the person who taught me how to do it he wasn't aware that he had and I didn't seek him out for this purpose it just sort of happened. At first I would get upset with him and didn't know why he was being so mean to me then I decided to grow up and take a more objective approach. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and everything in life is a potential lesson so I chose to open myself up to that possibility and there it was. I'm glad I did otherwise I would still be a terribly bad communicator not a good quality for someone who wants to be a writer.
