Some mental illnesses have a genetic link. This doesn't mean that every member of a family will be mentally ill, but that compared to the general population, a larger proportion of the family may have a mental illness.
At this time, we have no control over what genes are passed on. A very wise doctor told me recently that he thinks within the next decade there will be technology to alter the genetic code of individuals to control this type of transmission of mental illness. However, we don't have this option now. We can't control passing on blue eyes or blonde hair to our children nor can we control passing on mental illness. So WHY waste energy and time feeling guilty if mental illness is passed on?
I saw the negative effect of this guilt when my brother was diagnosed as bi-polar in the early 1980's. It was then that I learned my mother's 2 siblings are bi-polar and that there is a genetic link. In 1951 when my brother was born there certainly wasn't knowledge of the genetic link for mental illnesses and, even if there was, there was no “picking out” of genes. My mother never got over feeling responsible for my brother's mental illness.
What I decided to do instead of feeling guilty if I passed along mental illness genetically was to try to recognize it early in my children and seek treatment. My brother had been out of control as a teen and young adult, but no one knew why until he was properly diagnosed and we learned more about manic depression (same as bi-polar).
Two of my children have had depression issues that required multiple hospitalizations as teenagers. As hard as it was to have to commit them to hear those doors lock as I left, I truly believe that if we had not done that, I may not have those children today.
As a part of not feeling guilty, do NOT take on “what if's”. By this I mean putting the burden on yourself like:
“What if I had been more available?”
“What if I hadn't worked and been home ?
“What if I had ------------?
This is totally unproductive and the answers will never be known anyway. We don't control all the input our children receive, we can't control their reactions to situations, and we can't control all of the environmental inputs around us any more than we can the genetic code we pass on. As parents, we do the best that we can and “Life happens!”
