Living with Bi-polar

I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder back in 2001 when I was 16. It didn't really come as a shock as I have a long history of mental illness in my family, my mother and grandmother both have bi-polar and one of my cousins has schizophrenia, plus a few other family members have mild forms of mental illness.

I started noticing something wasn't right when I lost interest in things I have always loved, like writing and friends and generally doing anything. I ended up only going to school 2-3 times a week and hiding letters that the school sent home to my mother. Then a long term boyfriend of mine decided that he wanted a break and I snapped, after 2 years he was just going to leave me, just like that! I was in the photography darkroom at my school with my best friend and my ex. I grabbed a pair of scissors and started slicing up my arms, I hated myself and I wanted to punish myself. My best friend noticed and grabbed the scissors off me, then took me to the principals office, where my mother and child services were called. My mother arrived and I was taken to the hospital. I spent the next two weeks sedated and laying in a hospital bed, wishing I wasn't alive. They figured out my medication and discharged me and I went home.

Three months later I stopped taking the pills and ran away from home. I thought I was better and that by leaving I was doing myself a favor. Maybe I would have been if I had stayed on the medication, but I know that stopping them was the worst mistake, even if leaving was the best thing I could have ever done. I traveled around a bit, going from boyfriend to boyfriend, none of them lasting very long. I knew I was slipping again, the warning signs were there and I just ignored them, hoping they would go away.

In 2003 I met a great guy who turned my life around. He has been a great support to me and so have his family. The warning signs did subside and I lived the next 3 years with no problems, getting married and starting a business. Then out of the blue I began to have problems, doing things I wouldn't normally do and I knew I needed help. I left it way to long and ended up slicing my arms up again, almost landing me back into hospital. I was referred to a psychiatrist who put me back on the meds and now 5 months later, I'm still on them and feeling fine. I have learnt that even though I am feeling good and that I feel like I don't need the meds anymore, I do need them, otherwise I'm just going to spiral back down to where I was and I don't ever want to be back down there again. I have a great husband and in-laws and all of my husband's family are very supportive and I could not have done any of it without their help, support and love.

My advice to mental health sufferers, be it chronic or mild, is this- Surround yourself with positive people, negative people will make you worse. Find a good doctor, one you know you can go to just to talk, a doctor who is trained with mental health issues and one who will get to know you and you know that your not just a number to him or her. DO NOT stop your meds even if you feel so good that you feel like your cured or better and that you don't need them. Remember your lowest time and think to yourself that you don't want to be back there again, because there is a big chance that you are going to get back there if you don't take your right meds. ASK FOR HELP!!! You wont get it if you don't ask or don't think you should ask. And remember you are not alone, there are thousands of mental health sufferers and there are networks and groups you can join, just do a Google search for your area. And know this- there are ALWAYS people that love you, don't ever think that you are worthless, because you were born with worth and you are here for a reason… just find out that reason.