Make Positive Use of Negative Feelings

Normally, one emotion is spontaneously counterbalanced by the other. But, often, under certain conditions, in a competitive, cut-throat, zooming technological age, positive energies tend to get overshadowed by intense negativism. This leads to undue stress- mentally, physically and psychologically.

If we had no fear, no regrets, no guilt and no sadness we would be little more than unfeeling, uncaring automatons. But as humans, we do have the ability to experience feelings, and thus have the capacity to learn and overcome negativism.

Each negative feeling brings with it an opportunity for growth. All our so-called negative emotions have some positive value. Within limits, each negative feeling helps us to stay on course towards health and happiness.

They do this by telling us when we are veering away from our goals, our values, our beliefs, our standards, our comfort zones, our physical health, our happiness.

We will now examine the three main facets of negativism and the varied ways of mitigating its effects with a positive outlook.

Fear (or Social Anxiety Disorder)

Within limits, fear protects us from physical and psychological danger. In excessive amounts, it paralyses us and distorts our perception of reality and prevents us from experiencing positive feelings in life like joy, intimacy and fulfillment.

Normal nervousness is magnified into extreme anxiety, fear and self consciousness. When anxiety is so extreme, that it disrupts your life, it becomes chronic.

From time to time, everyone has experienced nervousness and shyness at a party, among a group of strangers. You may avoid going to parties or giving speeches because you feel others are judgmental and that you may embarrass or humiliate yourself. This fear then becomes irrational.

It is irrational because there is little chance of it actually occurring. Social anxiety disorder can be so debilitating that it interferes with our routine and work.

Identifying Fear: Whenever we feel any negative feeling, it is useful to ask ourselves -

“What am I afraid of?”

Identifying the fear is the first step to addressing the feeling with logic.

Physical signs: blushing, sweating, trembling, nausea, stomach upset, difficulty talking, muscle tension, confusion.

Coping with social anxiety disorder is challenging. But it is imperative to maintain connection and build relationships.

In moderation, various types of fear can help us to build a better life.

1. Fear of losing control:

   Helps us take the steps necessary to regain a sense of control over our lives.

2. Fear of failure:

   Helps us accomplish our goals. Helps motivate us to prepare, organize and persist.

3. Fear of being alone:

   Helps to reach compromises with others.

4. Fear of the unknown:

   Helps us to take reasonable precautions and prevents us from taking unreasonable risk.

5. Fear of dependence:

   Helps us develop our resources and become self-sufficient.

Fear Management:

1. Practice relaxing exercises
2. Focus on personal qualities you like about yourself
3. Reach out to people you feel comfortable with
4. Make eye contact and return greetings from others, or be the first to say hello
5. Give someone a compliment
6. Prepare for conversation- for instance, read the newspaper to identify an interesting story you can talk about
7. Show interest in others; ask about their homes, hobbies, travels
8. Get involved in pleasurable activities such as exercise or hobbies
9. Get enough sleep
10. Eat a well-balanced diet
11. Join a support group

Anger

Anger itself is not bad. In many ways, anger is an expression of fear. Expressed appropriately, anger can be healthy. It can help protect you from dangerous situations and energize you to resolve problems. For example, when we feel physically or psychologically threatened, fear quickly changes to anger and empowers us to control a threatening situation. That is why anger is called a secondary emotion.

When one is angry our thinking gets distorted and overly dramatic. Anger which is out of control can be destructive, leading to problems in our relationships, at work, with our health and in our general enjoyment of life. Managing anger effectively can benefit one self and those around. Using a little emotional intelligence will help us gage why we feel threatened.

Anger has a lesson for us. It teaches us what we value, what we need, what we lack, what we believe and what our insecurities are. Consequently, anger can be channels in productive ways to achieve our goals.

Anger Management: Some of the techniques one can use are the following:

1. Express anger as soon as possible in an assertive controlled manner
2. Take deep breaths (count till 10) before reacting or simply leave the situation
3. Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions. Go for a walk, run, swim, and lift weights.
4. Use humour to diffuse the situation, instead of sarcasm
5. Listen to music, paint or journal
6. Yoga and meditation are the finest ways to calm and soothe oneself. Practice deep breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase.

Above all, do not hold a grudge, as it is unrealistic to expect everyone to behave. Last but not the least, learn to forgive, for that is the path of achieving peace and calm within one.

Depression (Or Sorrow)

Depression is a result of a combination of multiple factors i.e. genetic, bio-chemical, psychological and social. Depression affects thoughts, words, feelings, behaviour as well as physical health.

A stressful life can trigger of depression. it is not a weakness and is characterized by repeated episodes, or by an ongoing chronic condition. People of all ages and races suffer from depression at some point in their lives.

Depression can arise out of our expectations. It is based on how we think the world should be and how we think, people should act. When things do not go the way e expect them to, it tells us that we do not understand reality as well as we thought we did. In other words, our expectations were unrealistic.

Managing Depression: exercises provide recreation and mental relaxation. Besides, nature's best tranquilizer, yoga and meditation generate all-round mental, physical and physiological well-being. It eases stress, gives a feeling of accomplishment, and improves body tone and the function of the nervous system.

In addition, a healthy diet, the right amount of sleep, the avoidance of alcohol, drugs, and the ability to socialize, goes a long way in curing depression to its roots.

All in all, perseverance is the key to leading contented, productive lives. It will unlock the door to disciplining our minds to pick up positive thoughts and discard negative ones. After all, nature bestowed on the animate world, the unique gift of the ability to think logically and wisely.