One of the most common questions I receive at work from patients (other than ‘Can you get this?', ‘Can you help me?', ‘Why don't you drop dead?' ‘Why won't you leave me in peace you skaggy sod?' and ‘Where's the doctor?' All of which have been asked. Often more than once. And I haven't a clue as to what skaggy means) is ‘How long does it take to train to do your job?'
I have a problem answering this. Not because the answer is highly subjective or I care for the low skill level that being a nursing assistant comes with, but because ‘a week, maybe two depending on how you count training' isn't the best answer to give someone who is putting (depending on how messed-up they are) their health and life in your hands. With a ward that had two people die just today it isn't the most reassuring piece of knowledge that the guy taking your blood pressure, pulse, temperature, meds, reporting to registered nurses and highly qualified doctors and potentially pounding your chest CPR style should you keel over, has had the same amount of training as a checkout girl (or boy). And for the record those two deaths were completely natural and not my fault, though one of them did have chronic diarrhea and I hated every moment I was cleaning her up. And to get back to the point, usually I answer this question by lying and saying that my position is just a stepping stone on a nursing career (it isn't) and that training is an ongoing process (which is more or less complete bullshit).
The other question I get about my job capability is ‘How long have you been doing this job?' I like this question a lot more because usually it comes with an implication in the questioner's tone that it seems as if I've been doing this (simple yet often disgusting) job for little more than a month. The small ego boost that I get from surprising people with this knowledge really shouldn't happen considering that though my job needs to be done; it is more the tolerance of shit most of my friends barely believe occurs, than the actual ability to carry out the tasks at hand that are most impressive. But what is it that is so disgusting you may wonder. Well as I've mentioned in my first post, wiping arse is the most self-explanatory but there is so much more (well not really, but poo comes in many forms). There is also the already numerous interactions with racists, junkies, alcoholics, abusive dementia-ridden patients and my personal favourite ... naked old people.
