It's a fact. People are living longer. Medical advances and widespread prevention have extended life expectancy significantly. Illnesses once regarded as terminal are now successfully treated as chronic conditions. New and more effective treatments of geriatric conditions can offer us extra golden years, but failure to plan for the uncertain quality of those years can turn that blessing into a curse.
The onset of dependency often takes both parents and their adult children by surprise. While aging loved-ones may receive effective treatment for a terminal condition, they may fall victim to one of many chronic and debilitating conditions associated with advanced age. Many of these conditions, both physical and psychological in nature, are largely untreatable. Symptoms of these common geriatric illnesses quickly overwhelm the elderly as their capacity to perform basic self-care quickly slips away.
Meanwhile, in the chaos of raising their own families, many adult children fail to acknowledge or prepare for the looming dependency of their own parents. It is a grave and common error to assume a parent's physical vitality or financial stability will be more than enough to facilitate continued independence indefinitely. Failure to anticipate the extensive needs of an aging loved one too often leads family-wide crisis. When the body and the mind fail, the messy process of making life decisions by proxy begins.
Decision making is often the greatest emotional strain in the dependent-parent and child relationship. As the lines between function and incapacity slowly blur, parents may militantly resist handing their fate over to their children. This is a natural response to decreased independence. However, it is unnecessary for children to play the "bad-guy" in these situations. Parents with a written plan for their diminished capacity can see that the decisions being made are their behalf have been made by themselves. The power struggle is avoided.
The key to minimizing the trauma of sudden dependency is preparedness. Postponing the discussion of a parent's welfare until their condition has deteriorated will compound stress and limit the options of all involved. Waiting until a loved-one has lost their capacity to function strips them of their right to give informed consent and participate in the process of making major life decisions. Openly discussing living and care options with senior parents allows them control over their own welfare even when their ability to make rational decisions has been diminished. Ensure your parents are still in control of their own destiny by helping them establish a plan for advanced care.
Determining the where, when, who and how of dependant living will ease the transition for your parents and your entire extended family. The onset of dependence can be gradual, however, by the time the need for help is clear it may be too late for parents to make decisions or to inform their adult children of the resources they can contribute to their own care.
