Think Twice Before Saying No to Nursing Home Care

Long term care may save the senior from social isolation while freeing family to enjoy time with the elder rather than being burdened and resentful of the “chores” required to care for the needs of a senior at home.

Improved Oversight

Nursing home care has not always been a good alternative. Under-funding and poor staffing has often resulted in sub-standard care for seniors. But thanks to politically active seniors groups, oversight in long term care facilities has improved significantly.

There are still many poor nursing homes, but increasingly it is possible to find a positive environment in a long term facility.

Responsibility and Frustration

The important consideration is the social context for the elder. If there is a large, multi-generational family involved in caring for the senior, a private home may be the best place for grandma to live; but if not, the social isolation may actually make the elders situation and symptoms worse. When only two or three people share the responsibilities of supervision and assistance, the responsibilities and frustration can be disruptive to the family home, and leave the senior feeling like a burden, hesitating to ask for the things they need, and hungry for contact with their peer group.

Social Isolation

It is hard for the busy teenager or the overwhelmed mid-lifer to understand or imagine the loneliness of a senior who needs to talk about life events which younger people may think of as ancient history. They may want to talk frankly about the issues of impending progressive disability and even death, only to be dismissed with “let's not talk about that,” or even “don't think about that.”

Additionally, the senior may enjoy books, movies, or entertainment which is now impossible due to decreased mobility, sensory limitations, or income restraints. A nursing home can provide activities and socialization on a daily basis within the facility. A varied diet and peers to enjoy it with can sometimes help the elder's appetite more than any appetite stimulant or encouragement.

Often, older people have lost most of their dearest friends through relocation, death, or diminished capacity to participate in the activities that brought them close. A residential facility can help the elder build new relationships and enjoy new friends and activities.

Restored Family Relationships

Adding another person to an established household is always a difficult situation. Whether it is a roommate, an in-law, an adopted child or a step-parent, conflict is sure to arise. When the addition is an elder with special needs and disabilities the problems can be severe. Family members may reasonably resent the extra demands on their time, and may become angered when their beloved family member can no longer make simple decisions or perform the tasks they have routinely carried out in the past.

Likewise the senior may have resentments about being removed from their own home and being told what they may and may not do without supervision. These rational resentments and frustrations may threaten to destroy family relationships and reduce the elder to a “problem” to be dealt with.

Providing the senior with a home in a long term facility can reduce or eliminate these tensions and resentments. Someone else can meet the needs and set the limits, freeing the family members to visit, pamper, and appreciate their loved one. Now you become the advocate rather than the gate keeper for your elder family member.

The Pros and Cons

Fear of the unknown may cause the older family member to beg you not to put them in a nursing home, but it should not keep you from looking seriously at the pros and cons of long term care.

Our purpose here is to encourage you to think twice before categorically rejection nursing home care for your elder loved one. It is possible that there are more pros than cons. Consider your options carefully.