Have you got wrinkly skin? Do you want to look younger? Do you feel you need more confidence? Do you feel unhappy? Perhaps your skin has been unfairly aged by time? Does the skin on your face tell a different story to the skin on your hands? Is the skin on your face wild and untamed, rudely interrupting in conversations? Will a new face elevate your social class?
If this applies to you, you'll be interested to know there is help. It's called face cream. Face cream is created from complex nano-particles combined to form a polyfilling, confederate formula. Face cream has been made by "experts" in white coats to make your skin look and feel ten times younger, despite your arthritis. Face cream is a social-elite, expert builder and a mastermind con-artist. Face cream is more qualified than all other forms of creams combined.
There are many forms of face cream found all over the world. Some is formulated to iron out wrinkles in your skin, whereas others simply smell nice. Some face cream is used to fill dangerous pot-holes in roads. Others are good at offending elderly aunties. Face cream is illegally smuggled into the country by Eastern-Europeans with rough skin, before hitch-hiking its way to supermarket shelves.
Many ingredients are used to make face cream. Cucumber is the most common, found in 97% of all face creams. A combination of cucumber and mud, a type of mud only found on the banks of Scottish lochs, is said to be the most effective face cream and is only bought by millionaires living in Mayfair. A mixture of bread crumbs and orange scented gel pens has exactly the same effect but is only used by those living below the poverty line.
Everyone uses face cream of one type or another. The Japanese use face cream made from the blubber of endangered sperm whales and the Americans use face cream found in McDonalds; this cream comes in flavours of strawberry, banana or chocolate and in a tub weighing a quarter pound. Major industrialists use face cream which they breathe in through their nose and is a major contributor to the green-house effect. It is interesting to note that the world's youngest population is found in Africa, and they don't use face cream.
Face cream is the most important substance found in the modern day world. Studies show that by using face cream you're less likely to get cancer; face cream contains a mixture of anti-canceragen bacteria and glycolic acidic-formulates which are absorbed through a membrane in your skin. A tribe in Eastern Mongolia use face cream to resurrect the dead. This specific cream is not in mass production but the recipe can be found by googling "Face Cream Recipe". Face cream helps cut crime as old ladies in areas of high face cream usage are now 3 times less likely to wear hoods on the streets after 9p.m.
The origin of face cream is unknown. Creationists believe God created face cream on the forth day; evolutionists believe it evolved from the minds of businessmen in the mid 1950's. Face cream now lives in Beverly Hills with his wife Massacre, who is a plastic surgeon, his son Botox and two daughters Polyfiller and Lip-gloss.
"If it hadn't been for face cream, I may well have been agoraphobic." - Winston Churchill 1957
