Preventing Addiction in Teens

As the parent of four, all now in their teens or older, I honestly don't know if it's completely possible to prevent a child's testing of the waters that could lead to addiction. My eldest is a smoker, something she was not exposed to at home but through friends, and I know the older of my two sons has tried alcohol on more than one occasion.

I consider myself lucky that none of my progeny have segued into worse substances so far. Peer pressure, a sense of immortality or just old fashioned stubbornness and a budding will to become more independent on your child's part are all very difficult obstacles to overcome. And without your teen's cooperation to some degree, a parent's influence can come to nil.

But there are some strategies and steps a parent can try in order to hopefully stem the tide and influence their child to at least keep the experimentation and potential abuse to a minimum.

Lead by example. This might be an old saw and has been said far too often, but it is tested wisdom and still just as valid today as it ever was before. I have been a teetotaler for most of my adult life, trying wine and beer at eighteen and quitting only a few short months later. Only on the rarest occasions have I had anything alcoholic since that time and when I have, it has been due to some special celebration with close friends.

As mentioned, only two of my offspring have experimented with addictive substances and only one is having difficulty quitting her nicotine habit. My son's alcohol use is isolated to a very small handful of occasions and he has decided it is not something he wishes to pursue further. My younger daughter has sworn to never touch a drop nor smoke and I believe her. When we tried to treat her to a night out on her twenty-first birthday, insisting that she at least take a sip of the drink we'd bought for her, the gesture went over like the proverbial lead balloon.

Secretly, I was delighted as we left the bar early to head home and celebrate in a different way. The jury is still out on my youngest at the tender age of fifteen, but he shows every indication of taking his "dry" sister's path. There are no bottles of wine nor cans of beer stored anywhere in my home and I have not touched a drop in several years.

If you drink or abuse other substances, even if you don't do it in front of the children, they are likely to pick up on your example and feel that what's okay for mom or dad is okay for them, too. Don't fool yourself into thinking that just because you hide what you do or don't allow yourself to smoke or imbibe while they watch that they are unaware of what goes on behind closed doors or outside of your home.

Their radar is finely tuned to those who are closest to them, not to mention the fact that there are eyes and ears and noses available to them in the form of neighbors, friends and other family members. They will figure out what's going on sooner or later. And the old tactic of "do as I say, not as I do" is pretty much guaranteed to backfire. They will see right through the hypocrisy every time.

This phenomenon of instinctive sensitivity can be used in reverse, of course. If you sense something is off or different about your child, even if most other behavior and attitudes remain consistent, sit down and have a talk with them.

Even if the reason for their odd demeanor is something as simple as they flunked a test and are bummed out about it, as opposed to they have a hangover or tried a joint for the first time, you will establish what can become a continuing dialogue about any number of issues, including the ones that weigh heavy on your mind and concern you once they're out of your sight.

If your child is reticent to share what's going on, leave the talk aspect for later, but find something else that the two of you can do together.

Playing games, performing chores together and small-talking, along with other shared activities, are great ways to build a foundation for discussing more serious matters. As a chosen enterprise is shared, both sides tend to feel more relaxed. Allow little chats to build towards more important subjects if possible.

Casual time spent with your child can lead to learning details about their lives that they might not reveal otherwise, like what friends they have and how those relationships are shaping up. Allow yourself to share aspects of your own personal life and experiences as well as asking your child about theirs. I have found that sharing details with my children instead of handing lectures down to them has opened up a wide range of topics and discussions.