It seems “a few extra pounds” really means a lot more than a few extra pounds. In my case, a few extra means somewhere around 15-20 pounds maximum (remember, I haven't stood on a scale in almost five months), but my profile also states I work out at least five days a week and my eating habits were listed as “very healthy”.
I'm not discriminating against a heavy set man because of the way he looks. I did turn him down, and if I could've listed a reason in there, I would've told him his eating and exercise habits were the reason why. This is a new situation for me to be in - I'm someone's “B” list and turning down a date. I'm also faced with a new challenge: how to date without gaining all the weight back!
My ex-husband was sweet and loved me even when I was 180 pounds, but every time I tried to go on a diet, he'd bring home ice cream, cookies, pizza - anything that would instantly derail my efforts. A few days later he'd ask, “How's your diet going?” knowing full well I'd already quit. There's also been a fair amount of press lately about how friends, family, and dating partners can cause you to gain weight. I'm also sure that if you pick the right kind of partner, you can maintain, if not lose more weight.
Food isn't the only choice we need to make with painful accuracy…we need to choose potential mates in the same deliberate fashion. Too many women I've known over the years always make the same complaint: “He wants me to lose weight, but when I try, he sabotages it on purpose!” I've always had my suspicions that mates don't want us to lose weight for a couple of reasons: if we look really good, they're afraid we might leave them, they might be afraid if we lose weight, the credit card will get burned by a new wardrobe and accessories, and perhaps they secretly like us fat because it maintains a certain amount of dependence (“You won't find anyone else who'll take you on, being fat and all”).
In the case of the man who e-nudged me, I know for a fact the fast food and the lack of exercise would cause me to revert into my old lazy patterns of sitting on the couch, doing nothing, and eating pints of ice cream. The problem is, I don't want that kind of lifestyle, and I'm painfully aware of what it has cost me in terms of exercise, health damage, clothing, emotional spending, self-esteem and self-worth, as well as not being able to date the kind of men I believe I deserve!
I won't let myself slip on eating. I don't let myself shrug off daily exercise. I have given away all my fat clothing so the fat “safety net” isn't there for me to fall back in. Why should I settle for a man who I know won't support my lifestyle, and will probably sabotage it for his own comfort? I shouldn't, and neither should you! Take control and be honest with yourself or you could find yourself right back where you started.
