What annoyed me the most is how my hard work was reduced to the automatic easy out of surgical intervention; I wasn't given the benefit of the doubt, even when I told the person I had been used to jogging six miles a day before I had two slip and falls that sidelined me.
Mustering all the calmness I could gather, I said to him, “No, I didn't do gastric bypass or lap banding, I lost all my weight through diet and exercise. I put it on the old fashioned way, and I took it off the old fashioned way. If I chose surgery, it would only temporarily change my weight, but not my eating and exercise habits.”
Then he sucker punched me one more time.
“Are you sure?” He was all but accusing me of lying, and this was our first telephone conversation - we hadn't even met in person yet!
“Of course I'm sure how I lost the weight!” I chuckled, but inside I was furious. Of course I was sure how I lost the weight, and no amount of a “Sopranos” style work over was going to make me say something different!
I guess in our society, anyone who loses weight the hard way is automatically thought to be a liar, especially when you're talking about large amounts of weight. We are more apt to go for the surgical “quick fix” than we are to give credit and applaud someone who does it through sweat equity. It also says a thing or two when we no longer believe diet and exercise alone can get such a big job done.
In the end, I did not date this man. Not because he jumped to the lazy man's conclusion, but because this attitude was pervasive in his life. He was looking for flaws, demanding perfection, and an unemployed woman without a car (and still not missing it much) falls right at the bottom of the barrel of “Loserville”, while he was trying to avoid a gold digger.
Watching the Tyra Banks Show the other day, she did a “Town Hall” with people wearing signs around their necks. One of the participants was an overweight man, and he asked why he was still single? The men answered him, “Brother, just looking at ya, you're overweight.” The women chimed in, “…and you're demanding that the woman you date be a size 8 or 6 when you're fat?! C'mon, man!”
In part 40, I wrote about choosing a mate wisely, and then for the sake of getting back out on the market, I dated two men who were between 100-125 pounds overweight, their eating habits were obviously bad, and one seemed to be a drinker and a cigar smoker. Both emotionally broke me and helped through depression, to make me feel bad about myself. Why did I date them then? Sadly, that's all I've attracted - older, overweight men, and I wondered and cried….trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.
It's amazing how men are in complete denial when it comes to their weight, but they inspect and demand perfection from the women they date. Watching the Tyra Banks Show and seeing that heavy set man getting swatted by the participants…it was the first time I realized this was happening on a broader scale, and not just to me.
My “brother” in Houston has said to me a few times in the past he won't date a fat woman not because of her weight, but rather because of her mindset. Weight is a symptom of an emotional, self-respect, self-love issue, and if you can't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others. In short, you will be an emotional and physical burden to others. I hate to say it, but this time he's right. Heavy men tend to be emotionally hard because it's not just the weight burden they're carrying…it's the emotional burden they hope you will carry for them.
Find all parts of this series as well as helpful diet and exercise tools and news here.
