Most women planning a family aspire to the wonderful experience of ‘natural childbirth’. Although we may not relish the pain and anguish it brings, the experience of that closeness and deep bond when your baby enters the world is something that we feel privileged to enjoy.
I too was one of those women who had mixed feelings of both excitement and fear when I first discovered I was pregnant in 2000. I often hear women express the anxiety that “this baby is in here now, it’s got to come out”, but accept that the event is inevitable.
Having religiously absorbed the advice written in pregnancy ‘bibles’, I was well and truly prepared to go through the experience, and went through a trouble-free pregnancy.
Sadly for me, I developed the life threatening condition ‘pre-eclampsia’ at 33 weeks gestation, and after a week of bed rest and being pumped full of drugs to ‘dampen down’ my symptoms, my son had to be delivered by emergency cesarean section at 34 weeks.
The entire experience was extremely traumatic as for a week I was faced with the thought that my son may need to be delivered early, and that I would be ‘robbed’ of my natural childbirth opportunity.
Are cesareans that bad?
For some women, they plan to give birth to their child by cesarean section, shortly after conception. The ‘too posh to push’ culture is widely written about, and I believe creates a very negative view. In my opinion all women should have a right to choose their mode of delivery, but not before they are fully armed with the pro’s and con’s of all methods.
The planned cesarean is often a nice option for women. Usually available to those who are ‘at risk’ or likely to have problems with natural labour. Women are aware of their babies actual birth date, and sometimes even the time of day, months before the actual event.
Luckily for most women they are able to have spinal/local anesthesia, and therefore be fully awake to experience the birth of their baby.
Clinical? Or practical? People have different views on this.
Sadly for me my birth history has been unfortunate to say the least. Having suffered pre-eclampsia, the need for a caesarean, and a premature baby first time round, seven years later my story was even more catastrophic.
At 33 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism (blood clot on the lung), and as if this was not serious enough, 5 days later I again developed pre-eclampsia. My second son was born on the identical gestation day as my first, and once again by emergency cesarean section.
Because I was so ill, on both occasions my cesareans took place under general anesthetic, an so the weird sensation for me was to be put to sleep with a ‘bump’ and to wake up, with no knowledge of the experience, minus the bump, but with a baby to show for it was bizarre.
For some this may sound idyllic, but the long term effects for me psychologically are that I was unable to take part and experience the birth of both my son’s, and this I have a problem with.
Why such a problem?
It’s difficult enough enduring the pain and discomfort of a caesarean section, but even more so when you are required to literally drag yourself to spend hours by your newborn’s bedside in the Special Care Unit.
Unlike most mum’s that can have their baby cosily by their bedside in a cot, and cuddle and hold them freely, the sheer effort required to just take a glimpse at my boy’s in their incubators was almost too much to bear.
I spent several days on the post natal ward recovering, on both occasions. I didn’t realise how cruel in was having to watch new mum’s and dad’s nurturing and caring for their babies, when mine was at the end of a corridor, barely in reach.
The sorrowful glances I would receive from parents and their visitors perplexed me at first, but I soon realised that they were unsure as to whether I actually had a ‘live’ baby at the end of my experience, and they didn’t know quite how to react to me.
The kind midwives were clearly in tune to my emotions, as I was kindly moved to a single room, so as to maintain my privacy and not have to be subjected to the feelings of being separated from my baby.
Regrets?
For me, I am faced with the reality that I am unlikely to ever experience natural childbirth.
Following my life threatening problems during my pregnancies, and the subsequent risk of these being repeated a third time, I have been strongly advised to have no more children.
At the age of 33 this is not an easy thing to accept, as naturally with two boys, many of us want that missing baby girl.
For my partner and I, this is sadly not an option, and we certainly struggle to accept this.
Naturally I do not regret my childbirth experiences, despite the terrifying events. I am just so glad to have survived the experiences, and brought into the world, two healthy beautiful boys as a result.
