Everyone could use a good hug. Even the manliest of men who would like you to believe that they don’t need anything from anybody need a hug from time to time. It’s human nature, and some would say even more than that.
Just look at the way that families of cats, dogs, and apes relate to each other. Physical closeness it tightly connected with emotional closeness. It’s written into our DNA. DNA might be telling us one thing, but sometimes culture can tell us to go a different way.
Guys in many cultures are taught that hugs aren’t “manly,” especially when it’s two men hugging each other. Dudes are taught to lightly tap each other on the back or punch each other hard, nothing in between. But even though there’s no reason that men shouldn’t give a nice long hug to the women in their life they may still have trouble doing just that.
If you have trouble with hugging you don’t need to worry, we are here to help. In this article, you’ll find the tips you need to go from a back patter to a man capable of a truly romantic embrace.
Make sure she wants a hug
OK, I realize I told you that everyone needs a good hug, but that doesn’t mean that you should start running around giving everyone you meet a bear hug. Even if someone needs something you can’t force it on them, you have to respect the fact that it is their body and their choice.
If a girl is very closed off and distant around you then going in for a hug is probably a bad idea. If you’re unsure, you can try and inch your way towards her, slowly and casually. If she instinctively pulls away from you, then you need to do the same.
You should also pay attention to how she feels when you hug her. Does she loosen up or get tense in your arms? Hugs are supposed to relieve stress, not cause it. Also, if your girl doesn’t put her arms around you, then she’s probably not into it. You need to back off and forget about hugging for a while as you see if you can make her feel comfortable.
Don’t go right in for the kill. Too many men squeeze their girls like a dog grabbing on to their chew toy. Remember, even though women may be the moral and mental equal of men they are still generally smaller and more delicate.
They also just don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat. So don’t grab or paw at her, start by lightly brushing up against her, running your fingertips over her body, so you’re just barely touching. You can build to a tighter embrace, but with romance, you need to focus on the journey rather than the destination.
It might seem a little awkward at first, but you’ll come to appreciate it as time goes by, it will teach you to enjoy every part of your body and every moment of your embrace.
Learn to follow her lead
In romance everything is a dance, you need to be able to follow your partner. As the man, you need to put yourself out there and initiate things, but that doesn’t mean forcing yourself on her and hoping that she’s OK with it. The key is making subtle advances and watching to see if she seems to open herself or close herself off.
Brush up against her lightly and see if she moves away or starts touching you herself. If she begins to move her hands over your body, you return the favor. She will use her body to show you what she wants and what she’s comfortable with.
Go with what feels comfortable
Too many guys will go along with what their girl seems to like even if it feels awkward or painful to them. This is how guys end up with the girlfriend laying on top of their arm for so long that it feels like it will fall off.
If a hug doesn’t feel right for you, then try to situate yourself, so it feels better. This can be tricky if you and your girl have very different body types. Some tall guys with short girlfriends will have trouble with a standing hug and will need to sit down in order to achieve a truly romantic and mutually enjoyable embrace.
Remember, a relationship should feel good for both parties, and I’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t feel right if she knew that you didn’t actually enjoy hugging her.
Remove yourself slowly
One big issue with men is that they tend to do everything suddenly and forcefully. They will go from sitting still to grabbing you tightly and letting go completely in a matter of seconds.
What you need to understand is that things are better if they happen slowly. You need to let things heat up and let them cool down. Just as you should slowly work your way into a deep hug, you should also be methodical about ending the hug.
Don’t go hug-crazy
Hugging is great, once you become good at it, you might find it’s hard to stop. But it is possible to have too much of a good thing. You don’t want to hug your girl for so long that she starts to go limp. If you ever get the feeling that she’s getting tired of the hug, then you should definitely start to withdraw.
In general, it’s better to end a hug too quickly than it is to let it go on too long. You want to always leave them wanting more. People like to feel like they have earned the good things they get, it’s the reason that you’ll see girls walk all over guys who cater to their every whim while fighting hard to earn affection from an attractive jerk.
And it’s not just girls, think about the guys you know who are dismissive around women who will bend over backward to make them happy. People don’t trust or respect unearned affection. You don’t have to make them beg, but you don’t want to go overboard either. Don’t be a hug monkey, learn to give hugs when the moment calls for it, and they’ll feel more special to both you and her.
A delicate dance
One thing to remember is that every girl is different. You might find out that the type of hugs that your ex loved are torturous to your current girl. Some girls like things super slow and soft while others want more passion and energy. You can always ask your girl what she wants, but the best way to find out is by slowly testing the waters and following where her body language leads you.
When in doubt, lay off. Better to leave her wanting more than coming off as overly handsy. Her comfort should be a top priority at all times. If you one of the many guys who has trouble reading body language then just come out and ask her. It’s unfortunate that this can disappoint girls who want a more sensitive boyfriend, but it’s better than the alternative.
The good news is that you can learn to be a better hugger. You might be terrible now, but if you find the right girl to practice with, then it won’t be long until you start to feel like you’re reading your girl’s mind and her body. Most girls love nothing more to feel safe in their man’s arms. If you can give her that gift, your relationship will become deeper and more enjoyable.