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What Does It Mean When A Guy Says, “Not Really,” When You Ask Him, “Did You Sleep With Her?”

Relationship Advice

What Does It Mean When A Guy Says, “Not Really,” When You Ask Him, “Did You Sleep With Her?”

When we ask people questions, we are looking for a definitive answer. Answers like, “maybe,” “Not really” and “sort of” are not really answers they are cop-outs. Those answers are given when you are uncertain, or you know that the truth will really get you into a lot of trouble. Answering with a vague reply may buy you some time to come up with something better, but the seeds of doubt are planted as soon those words leave your lips!

Your teachers and bosses would never allow you to answer all their questions with those kinds of statements! You shouldn’t let your boyfriend or husband get away with it either! If you suspect your man slept with another woman, there are a lot of emotions that will go berserk! If you finally decide to confront him the last thing you want to hear if you ask him if he slept with another woman is “Not really” What does that mean exactly? You either did, or you didn’t – there is no such thing as “not really.”


Merriam-Webster defines sex as the two primary forms of an individual (male and female) and sexual intercourse. Many people would argue that oral sex isn’t really sex. Because the act of ‘sex’ is designed with reproduction in mind (not to mention how we feel and all that).

But other people say that when a person (not a doctor during a physical exam) touches your or your ‘private’ areas, it is a sexual act. Rape is defined (by Merriam-Webster) as a sex act and may include the penetration of anything into the orifice of another person. Based on that – then oral sex is sex.

When the general public was asked what the phrase “Not really” meant if a guy used phrase to respond to the question “Did you sleep with her?”, here is what they said.

He meant…

  • …that he may have dozed off a little and then just left.
  • …she fell asleep while he was ‘getting busy.’
  • …that he is an idiot and did sleep with her. An innocent man would not have given such a vague answer. The guilt and stupidity are shining through in his answer.
  • …that he tried, but couldn’t finish
  • …he almost did but stopped himself
  • …”Not really” means, yes, yes I did, but I am too much of a jerk to admit it outright that I am going to gloss over it with my pitiful response.
  • …that he needs more time to come up with a better answer and “Not really” is all you are going to get until he thinks of something else to say.
  • …there is no wiggle room here, the answer is yes.
    · …that he isn’t going to answer your question and isn’t willing to talk about it.
  • …he fooled around but didn’t go ‘all the way.’
  • …that yes, he did, but he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it because he still wants to have you in his life (and to have sex with you too)

Some more literal (and graphic) responses are below:

He meant

  • There was no f**king, just sleeping.
  • “Eating isn’t cheating.”
  • They had oral sex
  • I f**ked her, but I make love to you
  • That he is an untrustworthy piece of garbage and that you should run – now! Go!
  • There was fingering, foreplay, but no actual ‘penetration.’
  • That she made a move and he waited too long before trying to stop things.
  • That there was some dry humping
  • That they fooled around
  • They made out

The bottom line is that you can’t give such a vague answer to such a sensitive question. He either did, or he didn’t. Think about it. If you are in a relationship with someone who can’t be honest about this situation, then you should get out. He obviously has little to no respect for you and should hit the road! Honesty and communication are paramount. If he gives you this useless answer and pretends as if everything is okay, and you don’t force the issue, he is likely to cheat on you again (and again).

Early on in a relationship, you should consider setting some ground rules. Make sure you are both on the same page. If you want an open relationship, then you should say so. If you want to be exclusive, make that clear. That way, you won’t necessarily have to worry about him giving you a lousy answer like “Not really” to such an important question.

Being in a serious, committed relationship means that the two of you are open and honest with each other. Once you lose your trust and faith in your partner, it is hard to get those things back. You can pretend, but when the flame goes out, there isn’t much left to do but move on. It is a sad reality that we all face before we find the one person who would never hurt or lie to us.

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